ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
