yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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