what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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