It's Friday. Sex?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
