Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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