Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
