I faked an abortion last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
