last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
