I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
