im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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