Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
