So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
