I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
