a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
