I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
