I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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