So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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