i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
