We named our party play list daddy issues
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
