There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Found the puke drawer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
