perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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