We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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