I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
