You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
