M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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