Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
