I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
