new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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