Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
