She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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