I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
