walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
