I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
