just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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