yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
