So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
