I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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