they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
