You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
