So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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