Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
