you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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