i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
