Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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