do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
