I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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