So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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