my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize