addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
