that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
