People with herpes should wear stickers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize