she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
