Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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