we made out on top of his cat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
