jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
