apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
