I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
