there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
