I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
