The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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