She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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