i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
