i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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