I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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