im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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