I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
