There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
