bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
