he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
